I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
