i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
