You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
