She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I need moral support for this bender
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
