I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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