The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
