You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
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