Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
