i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
