did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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