I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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