I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
