she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Is her dick bigger than yours?
this is an emotional support booty call
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
