i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
