Welp...herpes.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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