apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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