So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
