There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
ugly people sure do ruin things
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
