I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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