I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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