So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
