the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
