Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
