you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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