you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
