Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
