girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
