I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
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