someone owes me an orgasm
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
