Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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