ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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