I want to have your abortion
its not stalking. its research.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
