He disabled his match.com account in front of me
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
