I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
