Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
i out mim tonsoeep
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