but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
