I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
