I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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