you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
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The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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