Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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