what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
