Old men and throwing up are my life now.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
