remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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