I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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