All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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