I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
You work out of a Hotel?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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