The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
