Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
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