You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
