If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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