how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
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