Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I just found puke in my bra..
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
i believe in u and ur pee
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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