I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
