Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
People in love make me want to vomit
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
