I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
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that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
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did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
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