someone get that fucking seahorse.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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