I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Randomize
