then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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