Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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