u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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