and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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