she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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